What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
