It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think my moral compass just broke
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