That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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