Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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