I accidentally burped into my bong.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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