did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
