my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
