She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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