Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
