I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
