How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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