Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
