do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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