OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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