My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
