just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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