Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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