Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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