so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
