he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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