umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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