i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
