I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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