No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
