You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
