i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
