from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
