brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
