it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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