I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
