Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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