Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
