So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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