Where are you?
In a non slutty way
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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