Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize