as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
