come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
