No awkward lesbian experiences without me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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