I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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