I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
