dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i permit you to call me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
