At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Where is the hickey?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
