I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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