I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
