i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
