Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
