Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Quick, to the slutcave!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
