eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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