This girl is more easily done than said...
Please, let me fuck your mom
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
