My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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