ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
