I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
