I think i peed on brittanys purse
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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