peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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