Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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