it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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