We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
