You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
