Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
