I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
