The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
