perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
