you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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