I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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