literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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