Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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