Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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