UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
