Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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